Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Marisa's Menu: Pondering = Margarita Turned Blog Post

And I’m dealing with it again. That ever appearing struggle to just want to be and feel “normal”, which is the best word I can come up with when I’m feeling this way.  I don’t want to be someone other than myself truly.  But I do want, just for a while, to not have to worry about so many of the things that are commonplace in my daily agenda.  

Today’s seemingly minor, but still annoying trigger evolved from a very innocent and lovely invitation I received unexpectedly from a dear friend. She was nearby, and decided to call to see if I would be interested in joining her for a margarita.  Well, of course that should be a no brainer.  I mean, I wanted to see her.  I had experienced a somewhat stressful day at work, and a margarita most definitely sounded appealing.  But ...yes….there is always a but...I was so exhausted from my mental labor at work, and I was sporting a not so fabulous headache.  But those are not even the deciding reasons for why I ultimately declined the margarita invitation.  The main reason is because the minute I wrapped my head around the reality of what this would entail, I just knew I did not have it in me to go.  What could be so awful about joining a friend for a margarita?  Well, let me tell you.  I grieve the loss of Mexican food in my life.  And this particular margarita was going to be consumed at a Mexican restaurant, while my dear friend was enjoying some Mexican cuisine.  I just knew that on this particular day I did not have it in me to be exposed to the smell and sight of food that I love so much, and have not been able to eat for so long.  I still dream about it, and I crave it regularly.  If I had been in a strong state, this could have worked out without much problem at all.  But today, I was already having a “poor me. I can’t have tomatoes”  kind of a day.  So stepping foot into a Mexican restaurant was not a good idea.

The great thing in this instance is that this particular friend supports me on my journey, and she understands what I am going through.  She also is aware and supportive of what I am doing with the gluten free health challenge, and the minute I admitted to her that I just could not handle being around that food today, we both realized that a blog post topic had been born.  

I have these potential blog post types of passing thoughts all of the time. And so many of them are shared only with my birds, who may not even understand what I am talking about (I wonder sometimes though).  Or my ever patient partner gets to hear my rants and revelations.  But what I am realizing is that it is you, the online community of awesome people who are following me on this journey, might actually on some level give a hoot about some of the ramblings I consider to be nonsense.  

I just know that I go through cycles where I withdraw from social situations for a variety of reasons.  But one of the biggest reasons is my state of mind that day in relation to food or my health.  It is crazy how one day I can be completely fine, and actually choose to witness others eating my favorite foods.  I am a vicarious eater, and many times I will request that other people eating with me order things that I want to know about. And then I insist that they describe their meals in great detail for me.  

So how do I go from that enthusiastic, vicarious dining partner to not even being able to have a nice evening with a friend because I don’t think I can handle being in the presence of tomatoes, cheese, and tortillas? That is all I have this week.  Pondering my brain full of ups and downs, and dealing with it the best I can.  It is refreshing to have a forum for it now.  Now that I am purging (well, um, sharing) all of these ponderings, I might actually have allowed for more space in there to process worthwhile information, and pursue some further education.  So thank you to any and all of you who actually have the attention span and patience to make it through my wordy ramblings.  It really does make a difference to me to be able to share them.

Salmon Salad ordered GF/DF + avocado from Aixois Brasserie

I did have one very enjoyable dining excursion last week at a place called Aixois Brasserie in downtown Kansas City. I have had more than one good experience there. I normally would not consider a French restaurant to be a top choice for my dining criteria. But they most certainly have done a fantastic job of accommodating my restrictions, and providing me with a delicious, filling meal each time. My choices are limited. But what I have been served has been quality.


An added note about grief has evolved since I completed this post.  I was serious when I stated that I grieve the loss of certain foods and ingredients in my life.  I grieved upon initially removing them.  And I still grieve to this day, especially during certain moments of weakness, or when the sensory attachment to the smell of certain foods captures my attention, and gets to me emotionally.  But I am currently living in a community this week where an entire group of loving people (a lot of them musicians/artists - without health insurance) are grieving the loss of one of their own.  Kansas City lost one very vivacious and willful talent way too soon to cancer.  I was one of the fortunate people who had the pleasure of knowing this person.  If you are interested in hearing about a woman who faced adversity with strength, and did all she could to empower a community to work towards some amazing things, give the link below a look.  Abigail Henderson was a visionary leader, who shared a boundless energy and spirit that I am in awe of.  She did more during the time she was fighting her own fight than some people do in a lifetime. I know many of my friends and neighbors are hurting right now. But it is also very apparent to me that we are all better people having known Abby.  I am extremely proud of what she and her husband Chris have accomplished for this city, and our music scene.  So I could not help but share it.  Here is a link to the foundation they co-founded: http://www.midwestmusicfound.org/index.html

1 comment:

Dorothy said...

Hi Marissa, I'm sorry about the food hassles for you but, personally, I'm so glad you are not "normal." I think you are the coolest lady ever! The photos you include of your restaurant meals, your birds and animals, the hip stylish you.....perfect! I'm like you, I can't put myself into social situations where I am going to be tempted by food like that. For now, I'm just going to keep on cooking at home so I can stay on my healthy path. It's worth it to me. Marissa, I can really see you creating your own restaurant or Gluten Free place. Maybe even with the music you love so much. Some creative, cool place with really great cuisine. I can totally see it. Keep shining as you are! P.S. I'm very sorry about the loss of your musician friend.


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