And now onto the GF Challenge with our lovely lady, Shannon:
How does the saying go? "The journey of a million miles begins with a single step." Or maybe it's a thousand miles. Either way, it's a lot of miles, and sometimes miles can seem waaaaaaaaay longer than they really are. And sometimes, those single steps are the scariest and hardest steps to take.
So my journey thus far has been eye opening, if nothing else. The simple diagnosis of Celiac was my first step, and I was taking it, no matter how hard it was. There were bumps in the road, difficult times eating out, thinking of foods I was able to eat, and eliminating ones that I couldn't. But never, ever, did I stop putting one foot in front of the other.
Part of the journey was to lose weight alongside being healthier. Last Friday, when I got on the scale for my weekly weigh in, I was down 20 pounds in total! 20! It was one of the most exciting and proudest moments I've ever experienced. 20 was my goal, and for the first time in my life, I set a weight loss goal and not only stuck to it, I accomplished it. When I started to lose the weight, I noticed that my clothes (that hadn't fit before) were getting more comfortable and I was able to wear work pants that buttoned! Don't get me wrong. I love the wide-waisted pique knit pants, but when I was heavier, that was all that would fit and they didn't look flattering. My shirts were too tight, and I refused to admit and succumb to buying a larger size. No way I needed a size large. I'm only 4'11"! I now have medium shirts that are too big. And those super comfy knit pants? They're literally falling off. I have so many pants that don't fit that I had to buy more.
So that's what I did tonight. My favorite store was having their "buy one, get one free" pants sale, so I figured, why not. Because of the cut, I had to get some of the pants in a 10, only one size down from where I was, but I'm pretty sure that I was more a 14 and I just stretched the HELL out of my size 12s. And I even bought some size 8 pants!!! Oh yeah, single digit pants! I did the thing in the dressing room. You know what I'm talking about. Ladies, we've all done it at least once. I reserved that thing for only the skinny girls, the girls who, no matter what they put on, look adorable. And damn it, I did the thing tonight. Yup, right there in the dressing room, in each and every pair of pants! I put them on, spun around, checked out all the angles, and then I proceeded to do the thing...the "holy crap, don't I look freaking adorable in these clothes" dance! I couldn't do it for the longest time because no matter what I bought, I felt like it looked beyond horrible. Not only did I buy pants, I bought them in a fun pattern, in a bright red and melon, and in tapered skinny ankle cuts. Pretty much everything I've been avoiding for years. And I stood in the dressing room, hair a mess (thank you, crappy, rainy Jersey day), no make-up on, and just plain tired from the day, and I thought, "Holy shit girl, those look super cute on you." I didn't feel frumpy or dumpy or huge and hideous. I may have even seen the girl that my husband met and fell in love with (I was actually five pounds heavier when we met than I am now).
Now the journey stays the same, but the results will change. I'm content with being a size 8/10. The scale doesn't need to define me, nor do my pants size. How I feel defines me. I've been slacking on the gym. I must get back into my routine before summer ends and school starts back up. I must schedule my workouts as if they were appointments with doctors. I must continue to practice yoga and learn to clear my mind, especially when school starts up. I must learn to let go of the negative, unless it's something that truly affects me personally. I need to keep working on me, because I am truly a work in progress, and if I ever feel that I'm "perfect" and can't push my journey in another direction, then I guess it must be my time to meet my maker. I don't want perfection. I want to be the best damned me I can be. And for that, the journey will never end and those miles will become infinitesimal. But I have proven that I can make it, every single step.