Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Rebecca's Balancing Act: Doing What I Think I Should

Remember when I was feeling all calm in my last post?  It's been a bit of a roller coaster since then.  But I have to say that it ended on a high note for me with an apology to a long lost friend.

First, I spent about a week in Georgia visiting my mom.  There were a couple of gluten slip ups (and resulting headaches) including peanuts on the plane (not gluten free, WHAT?!) and fried chicken at the water park which I am confident was dipped in flour since, well, that's how you make fried chicken, right?  But most of the visit was a great success, since my mom is trying to both support me and also to eat more nutritiously herself.  The fact that she is exploring nutrition is big since she'd happily live on Dr Pepper and candy bars, and is beautifully skinny (ah yes, the kind of person we love to hate).  But what is also fascinating is that for most of my life she was an ER nurse.  You'd think that a nurse would have a bit of a handle on nutrition, right?  Um NO.  As she recently pointed out to me, there is a big difference between the health care system (pills) and actual health (food).

So, that went well. Nothing dramatic to report.  

Back home, though, with the days counting down more quickly than I'd like. I am all over the place emotionally.  I have more work that I can do myself (good, except for I am bad at saying 'no,' so I am overbooked) and while my assistant is growing beautifully, I can't just throw everything at her yet.  We started the yard excavating on Monday, and the retaining walls are nearly in.  We poured the footings for the deck and will likely build it next week.  It's just a lot.  We also had the tastings for the two caterers we are considering, oh, and I got a cold.  Not a surprise given that I am running on fumes.

But the great, and I mean really Great, thing, is that amongst all this, I have an incredible support team.  My fiancĂ© is ever-supportive.  I am working with my health coach and adding in some nutritious cooking (against all odds) and various exercise opportunities.  But best of all this week, I had a session with the most amazing acupuncturist in the world, Ashley Schiavone of Joyful Living Health Center.  She helped me to process a lot of my stress and worry, and by the end of the session, I had this big, beautiful, juicy breakthrough.

I DONT HAVE TO DO WHAT OTHERS THINK I "SHOULD."

That means I can love who I wish to love, be generous to those to whom I wish to give, forgive those I wish to forgive, and seek the forgiveness of those whom I need to apologize to and do it all without anyone's permission and without worrying what others will think, or if it will confuse, scare, or injure them.  I don't mean that I get to hurt others, but I do mean that I don't have to carry a grudge or a guilt just because it seems to make someone else feel 'better'.  That's just silly.

So, after my session I went to Whole Foods, bought a lovely bouquet and took it to someone that I needed to thank and say I am sorry to about 4 years ago.  I was nervous that she might reject me or yell at me, and instead she greeted me warmly and with a hug, and it was utterly, wonderfully, beautifully... good.  

How long have I let this haunt my dreams? How long have I been ignoring my soul telling me I needed to do this, whatever the outcome?  How long have I been fearing the outcome, when that stress was worse than the possible bad outcomes that (never) came?

Happy.  Relieved.  And Proud of myself.

I now get to take that lesson and apply it to my wedding, my work, and my life in general.  This is a lesson I hope I don't forget.

Wedding countdown: 
- 45 days as of writing this post.  
- Diet-freakout: Trying to accept that I will, or I won't get to my weight goal.  And that it can't be allowed to affect my wedding stress level.  That is already high enough.

THIS WEEK'S KEY TO SUCCESS: Daily walks with Damian.

THIS WEEK'S PERSONAL CHALLENGE: Stop weighing myself.  It's not helping.

-Rebecca-


Pic 1 - spiced rice made with mom in Georgia, she was eager and happy to cook in a way that supported my goals


Pic 2 - possible wedding salad composed by Angelica's - arugula, fig and roasted onions


1 comment:

Dorothy said...

Hi Rebecca. What a great, wonderful post to read. So much happening in our life. Glad your trip to Georgia and Mom time was so good. The acupuncture and your break-through -- AMAZING. Yes, that's a big one. I know it took a whole lot of courage to go to your old friend's house. Good for you. And so glad of the outcome. I could feel the emotion of it as I was reading your post. (Also, love your photos) You are so close to the wedding now! Hang in there and look forward to hearing more. Dorothy

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