Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Marisa's Menu: Ouch!

My fellow gluten free challengers, I am feeling rather "ranty" this week. And within the rants, I have also felt pretty encouraged about the fact that with each thought I had had that reflected frustration, anger, or overall disappointment, I have actually been able to counter it with a positive spin of some sort (even if ever so small). I know that being a part of this community and working with my health coach, Eryn, has had a ton to do with that.

I am on month two post Mirena removal, and overall I have not had any extreme reactions or complaints. I do feel that somehow my body is in a state of confusion though. The one thing I have noticed is that I am sleeping later, which is really weird for me in the summer months when the sun is rising so early. I know that on a monthly cycle, there are always two days where I just crash and feel as if I were drugged. And consistently every time, after those two days, my period will start. So I know it is related. But now that I am on a path of letting my body try to do what it was meant to do naturally, I wonder if it is just simply tired from the transition from being on hormones for so many years.

My path of ranting started with a collection of symptoms that will sometimes come and go (others have stuck around for years). Some days, I just lose my ability to tolerate anything in general and I get grumpy about it. This has been one of those weeks.

Ginger Fizz Soda (w/infused peppers)

As boring as this may be, I will share part of my laundry list of things that irked me this week:
  • My skin - HOW IT FEELS - We won't even get into how it looks. I had something with ginger syrup in it 5 days ago, and realized after the fact that said ginger syrup had a secret ingredient of infused peppers. Needless to say, I am sporting the nightshade chin and cheeks again. But what is getting to me this week is the way it feels overall (even when I am sans nightshades and it looks clear). It hurts to touch fabric. What does that mean? I have gotten to the point where I am pretty much only wearing jersey knit. Luckily, most of my clothes are old and from the thrift store, so they are worn and soft. I can't make the bed most of the time. I will wear gloves when touching laundry at times. And when it's at its worst (which it has been this week), having the sheet touching me while sleeping hurts. And it's weird because it is an indescribable pain. And it does not hurt. It feels heavy, as if a large weight is on me. Sheets are not heavy. So there are many times that I get pissed and throw the blanket off of me because a sheet plus blanket is just unbearable. The closest thing to a description of the sensation is if you have ever burned yourself (even a severe sunburn)...the way that the skin feels post burn. That is similar to how this feels. But it also somewhat reminded me of how it might feel if you had a bad bruise and then something pressed on it. These are things that I have experienced for years. I don't even remember a time that this was not happening. And it isn't just touching things (especially fabric). I can no longer wash my face with water. I use a gentle cleanser on my face and then wipe it off with a very soft 100 percent cotton towel. When my face gets wet, it hurts, and I have even noticed raised areas and redness. And I always used a very lukewarm, non-extreme temperature of water as well. 
  • My eyes - I feel as if either my ocular rosacea has returned or maybe more likely, I'm allergic to makeup. If I don't wear any makeup (which is fairly common for me), they are fine. So it seems that it is the eyeliner or mascara. But I spent a long time researching "safe" makeup a few years ago. And I thought I was doing okay with this Dr. Haushka brand. But for some reason, the discomfort has come back in the past few months. And believe me, I do not enjoy spending nearly $30 for mascara. I am not really a makeup person either. But I do have very sparse, fair, and pathetic eyelashes. And I do appreciate how I look with the mascara versus without. I seem less sickly looking, I suppose. It just brings something out that makes me feel more alive and healthy. So my most recent quest has been to find a good/safe DIY mascara recipe and make my own. I did find one on Pinterest. I just have not yet had the motivation to attempt the process.   
  • Our house - Total mess. Disaster level awful, in my opinion. I long to be a minimalist. I can't even imagine how delightful that could be. No wonder I spend so much of my time at yoga. It is a place that feels like home but without the clutter.
  • My OCD tendencies - I lean on the obsessive versus any compulsive. But my inability to decide on anything that I deem important is infuriating at times. How many years is it going to take me to pick a school already? I finally have a focus. But how to follow through on it? This has become a constant struggle. Luckily again, my health coach, Eryn, has been a huge help in that area. Then there are the simple decisions, which I can turn into major ordeals, such as what recipe for a side dish to select for a party we are attending...
All in all, I suppose this week has not been that bad. However, I did just fall down the stairs first thing this morning. Yes, it is fortunate that I did not seem to break anything, and I did not crash far enough down the landing to fall into the window. But somehow, having that be my first movement of the day managed to slow me down a bit. I'm temporarily wounded, feeling like an idiot, and have already missed yoga because of the fall. But you know what? If I envision what it must have looked like for my neighbors - had they been sitting on their porch looking into our window - it actually makes me laugh hysterically. I am truly a major klutz.

My worst balance issues most definitely subsided immediately after taking out gluten. But the clumsy part of me still surfaces. Especially first thing in the morning when my blood sugar is at its lowest. Also when I'm going too fast... And the week of PMS also seems to bring more instances of me falling and dropping - and breaking - things. My supportive and very wise partner has to remind me regularly to slow down. My worst moments and accidents nearly always happen when I am moving too fast. The speed at which I have been known to walk around corners and through doors is ridiculous. I have no idea why my mind's permanent status is always in emergency rush mode. It likely goes back to years of being anxious since childhood. 

Here is to starting fresh in this new moment, taking a breath, and seeking some grounding at home. I believe the birds may appreciate me doing some yoga at home with them today anyway.


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