Have y’all ever watched Toddlers and Tiaras? Or maybe, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo? No? Yes? Okay, well, I don’t own a television set but thanks to Youtube I have learned all about the infamous “Go Go Juice” that has been made popular due to both of these shows.
What is go go juice? That is an excellent question! Go go juice is a concoction of half caffeine drink, half energy drink. According to Toddlers and Tiaras and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo it is specifically a half and half mixture of Mountain Dew and Red Bull. It is supposed to give the person (or child) who drinks it an intense energy burst and happy personality. Like coffee, except, you know, kind of ghetto and untested.
For some inexplicable reason I had the urge to try go go juice this week. Perhaps it was the bland taste of black coffee that convinced me to try some alternative and palatable energy enhancement. Maybe I just like being a guinea pig and trying new things out on myself. I don’t know why I made and drank go go juice (multiple times this week). All I can tell you dear readers is, Please Don’t Do It!
I made my go go juice from “Mountain Explosion” soda, which is an $0.85 per two liter knock off of Mountain Dew, and Lo Carb Monster, which is an energy drink that I simply love. You’re supposed to mix half and half, so I was combining 8 oz Mountain Explosion with 8 oz Lo Carb Monster. 125 calories for a huge glass full. Not bad. But, it was bad.
So, this was (surprise) not a good experience for me. Oh, the first 30 minutes were Awesome! I felt alert, and happy, and calm yet energized. And then... Things went wrong. When the go go juice high ran out I felt cranky, and lethargic, and to be honest, confused. It was like my mental capacity just imploded. After I came down from my go go juice high I felt anxious, angry, and exhausted. I felt like I needed more. Addiction in a cup? Quite possibly.
I like being energized, I do. I just do not like side effects that make me feel like beating my head against the wall and gnawing my arm off. Sadly, dear readers, that’s how go go juice makes me feel when I’m coming down from it. I suspect you’ll have the same reaction so please just spare yourself.
You know what really energizes me? Oranges. I actually hate the taste of citrus fruit but when I eat an orange I just want to go to the gym (no, Run to the gym) and dance and move and play. My body feels alert and my mind feels happy when I eat oranges. Or, it used to. I’ve had a few oranges since I’ve moved to Arizona and they taste anemic and bland and gross. They don’t make me feel good, nor energized. They make me feel like I wasted good money on some nasty fruits. The oranges I’ve eaten here have been bitter and even their coloring is washed out as compared to oranges I used to buy in New York. Am I destined to a crappy feeling body due to crappy quality produce?
Strawberries used to make me happy. Not necessarily energize me, but I used to be markedly happier when I ate strawberries back in New York. Now when I go to the market I do not buy strawberries anymore, because when I pick up a container and look at the bottom they are usually covered in white mold. Yeah, I know. Much of the produce in my local market is moldy and/or wilted. And y’all wonder why I seek energy in a can.
A few nights ago I had a dream that I made myself a salad. I made it with chopped tomatoes (which I do not like), a head of lettuce, olives, an onion, and pickles. In my dream I ate this salad and it was so good!
Yesterday I went to the carniceria/fruteria (Mexican market) by my house thinking maybe I would make this salad of my dreams. I thought if I could find at least some lettuce and an onion I’d chop and mix and add in whatever I could find and I’d make a real fresh salad instead of the canned vegetables I am used to. Instead when I walked into that market I found vegetables that were covered in flies. No thank you.
One of these days, man, one of these days I’ll find some good quality produce like the kind I had in New York. Until then I’ll get my energy from a can I suppose. Just not go go juice. Even I have standards.