As part of the Gluten Free Health Challenge, Shannon will share her journal entries here on the first 3 Saturdays of every month from June through November. During this time, she will also receive free health coaching from Georgianna Dolan-Reilly of Celtic Celiac and Iris Higgins of Your Fairy Angel.
To join us all with the challenge, take the pledge and join the Facebook support group.
I feel like this post will be a tad bit all over the place, so please bear with me. This past week has had some rough moments. My summer job started so my day is cram packed with tons of "fun." I do enjoy my summer job, probably one of the best that I've had since I've started teaching. The hours are consistent, pay is awesome, and I'm not dealing with the beach tourists. My summer is going quite well, but I've found out that some people I know are pregnant. While I know people are going to be pregnant and the world doesn't stop turning, it doesn't stop me from getting upset about it. I keep thinking about how old Michael should be, what milestones he would be meeting, all of the baby things that I'm missing out on. I got so frustrated that I went to a very dark place and I had to fight my way back out of it. I know the dark place isn't healthy, but sometimes it's almost a bit necessary. While I question my strength - despite people always telling me that I'm stronger than I think - I know I'm strong enough to come back from that place and for that, I'm thankful. The breakdown occurs, and then I think, "Michael wouldn't want me to be like this," and I usually text my brother for a bit of brevity and I'm back to my usual self. Working on the dark place goes hand in hand with the goals that I've put forth for myself.
My session with Georgia this week was spent rehashing my vacation and my comfort level with having to eat out for each meal. Surprisingly, I didn't once feel like a "freak" during my trip. It was a big step forward and I'm so thankful for that. We then began to discuss what I want my goal(s) to be - other than being successful with being gluten free, and the ultimate prize, getting pregnant. After some thought, I decided on uncluttering my life. I'm breaking it into two separate goals that are connected. The root of the physical clutter is my office where all things go to die and never get organized. Between my excessive amount of books, teacher convention stuff that I totally don't need, craft supplies that I've bought with the hopes that it would jumpstart some creative gene in my body, magazines, bills to be filed, my bags for my independent Thirty-One consulting business, my newest obsession with creating planners with the ARC material, and all other kinds of stuff, the clutter has crawled out of my office and taken over my dining room and even the kitchen table! I need to write a list of literally every single thing that I need to clean, which will be one HELL of a list, but at least as I do each thing I'll have something to cross off, which will help me to feel productive. The other aspect of it is the decluttering of my mind. I have to learn how to quiet my brain and that may be more difficult than cleaning or organizing my office. I need to work on my dark place and how when I get frustrated with the world, I need to develop a more productive way to deal with it instead of withdrawing within myself, dwelling on the "what ifs" and "could have dones." I need to develop something quieting and soothing for myself, a way to better myself and heal my heart. I have started taking yoga at my gym as a way to help me learn how to meditate, and aside from blogging here, I need to start getting back to journaling and writing poetry as a way to help quiet my mind.
On the upside, I called my GI doctor today to see if the results from my bloodwork from Saturday came in. The nurse read me the results, and I'm happy to say that all of my levels and numbers have dropped, some more drastically than others. It has only been about 2.5-3 months that I have been gluten free, but I pushed the doctor to write me a prescription to get the blood done to make sure that everything is going in the right direction. I knew that the levels weren't going to be down to zero, but I was thrilled to see that everything has dropped, and two of the levels are at negative levels. Hopefully when I pester him again for a script in 2-3 months to get my blood done again, the levels will have dropped even further and I'll be on the journey to obtain my ultimate prize, a baby.
So here is to another week of eating well, working out, and working on my goals. I hope you all have a lovely week.