Last week, Shannon spoke of the clutter in her office. Today, she talks about the clutter in her mind. I think we can all relate to that feeling, when your brain is all jam-packed with STUFF...mental stuff that we just need to CLEAR OUT. When that feeling comes up, it's good to have some practices in your toolbox, actions that you can take to help settle and detoxify your mind. Starting August 4th, I'll be holding a program to do exactly that. Plus more. Join me in my new program, the 28 Day Challenge: Breaking the Chrysalis. Actually, it's really an old program, my Anti-Diet 30 Day Challenge. It's just been revamped and upgraded to make it feel more...well...you know...right. Less cluttered, let's say. Simpler and more effective. But don't check it out yet. First, read Shannon's post (it's gut-wrenchingly honest), then check out my program to decide if you're ready to start breaking the chrysalis.
Along with my desperate need to declutter several rooms in my house, I need to do the same with my brain... So I decided to try yoga again. I had tried it many years ago and just couldn't stick with it. My marathon training coach suggested that I give it a shot. She said it would help with the distance walking and loosening up the muscles. I felt that the people in the class were watching me screw up the moves and that I wasn't good enough, so after maybe four to five classes, I quit.
This is sometimes a cyclical thing for me. I don't give myself the chance to really work at something, to be able to be adequate or excel. If I do it a few times and I don't think I'm good, then I quit. I have an office full of crafting supplies and unfinished or not even started projects to prove it! I tend to stick with what I know I am good at, which, in my mind, isn't very much. It has been a struggle to get into going to the gym. I want instant results in weight loss/toning. I don't want to wait for months for it to begin to look like something is happening. That was one of my biggest fears with going gluten free: that I wasn't going to be good at it and would quit.
But the stakes were higher with the lifestyle change. My body was so sick that I was starving babies to death. My body wasn't able to do what it was made to do. My lack of properly absorbed nutrients turned me into a murderer (for lack of a better word). I know, I know, that's a bit harsh. But I needed the reality to be up front and ever present for me to succeed. I needed to be gluten free, not just for myself but for my babies, those gone and those to come. I gave myself no other option than to be successful, no matter how much I wanted to quit sometimes.
It seems as if I have gone off on a tangent, but I promise I'm coming back around. I've gone back to yoga. I've gone to maybe four classes at this point. It's at the timeframe where normally if I weren't able to do advanced yoga headstands like a pro, I would have quit. But this time I won't. I'm seeing that, in only four classes, my stretches have gotten deeper, and I can go from cobra to down dog, rolling over the tops to the balls of my feet in one fluid motion! Is it possible that I may be *GASP* good at this?!?!? I don't feel as if the other people in the class are watching me work through some of the moves and judging me. I feel as if they're all there for their own intentions, for the quiet and calm, to center themselves.
I have yet to experience anything in the class thus far that frustrates me. If it's a difficult move, I try it. If I can't do it, I modify it and try my best. I'm not the best at it, and I've come to grips with that. The 75 minutes that I'm in the studio, lights dimmed, candles lit and music playing, is super calming. Even the instructor talking through the moves is soothing. I really enjoy focusing on our intention for the day, breathing away my stress and meditating at the end.
My sincerest wish during meditation is that I'll be able to "see" my son during that time. I'm not very religious, but I feel very connected to the spiritual aspect of it. I notice that I'm less angry than I usually tend to get over stupid things (we'll see how that transitions into the school year though), that I sit up straighter, and that my back doesn't hurt as bad when I sit tall. Maybe yoga didn't work for me in my mid-20s because I was in a very different place than I am now. I am very thankful that it is working for me now though. I'm making it a part of my healing process and trying to soothe the emotional scars that the last year and a half have left upon me. And what girl doesn't enjoy a little "me" time a few nights a week?
What I need to do now is find some good poses to do in the morning for a few minutes when I wake up to get the blood flowing, and at night to settle and calm me before bed. Any suggestions, my fellow yoga-goers?
What I am about to do, right now, is go upstairs and make that cluttered office my bitch! And when I'm done, she will be pretty and will want to be used frequently.
Now check out my new program, the 28 Day Challenge: Breaking the Chrysalis. It's all about being you. The real you that exists when you let your walls down. The you that wants to break out and begin to fly. Register now, or even better, find a friend to join you and have Chrysalis Breaking Parties.