Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Rebecca's Balancing Act: Do I Belong Here?

As part of the Gluten Free Health Challenge, Rebecca will be posting her journal entries on the first 3 Wednesdays of every month from now until December. During that time, she'll receive free health coaching from Ellen Allard of Gluten Free Diva and Iris Higgins of Your Fairy Angel. 

Learn how to join the challenge.

We are three weeks in to the challenge now. I find that I judge myself for being in this challenge when I don't face as grave of issues as several of my co-challengers. I don't have grave health issues. I don't have fertility issues. I am just a normal, overworked, stretched-thin girl who gets mild infections, gut issues, and headaches when she eats too much wheat or dairy. I'd give up writing this if I hadn't committed to Iris. I feel selfish for taking up space in the challenge.

At the same time, there must be others like me. Others who just want to achieve some balance in their lives. Who don't want to run a rat race for the next 30 years but who also love their work. Others who are terrified of getting married a second time, not just because they want to get marriage "right" this time, but also because a decade after the first wedding it's a bit harder to get into bridal shape. Others who want a kind relationship with food, and who really don't respond well to wheat or dairy.

So I'll keep writing the challenge. Even though I've had more chips the last three days than I should have.

This week I had the pleasure of doing the call-in with Iris and my co-challengers. My big epiphany from the session and meditation is that the low-grade panic I always feel is from my mind constantly saying GO! Go here, drive there, do this, get that done. I am rarely in the moment of what I am doing. As a result, I have posted a note on my computer and on my dashboard that has the word GO crossed out and the word BE underlined. It is helping me to pause, breathe, and just be. Feeling anxious at a red light is not going to get me to the client's any sooner. Worrying about the next design isn't going to get this one done any faster. In fact, it will probably get in the way. So, BE.

My reminder note to BE not GO

I also had the pleasure of working with my health coach, Ellen. I felt frustrated because so many nights I am up until midnight designing. Last week it got so bad that I actually saw dawn. Sun rays, birds chirping, the whole bit. Not okay. That is not going to support me, my business, or my marriage. At the same time, when I do set aside my studio time from 10am-1pm, I often do not use the time effectively. So annoying! Ellen helped me to come up with a way to focus my mind. On my computer, I have posted "green to purple" to help me remember to turn all studio time (set in green on my iCal calendar) into billable design time (set in purple on my iCal calender). That means it's not time for e-mail, calls, other admin tasks, or cleaning. That stuff will be there, but I must make the design time a priority.

Speaking of which...I'd better stop writing this. I have to go design (it's 10:50 as I write this).

Another empty bag of chips - not a way to fit into a wedding dress

Slip-ups: Damian made lasagna - I had a few bites. Not vegan or gluten free, but soo tasty. Then had a potluck at my house and couldn't resist a couple mushroom turnovers and three cheese raviolis. But I am okay with both; it was a small slip. The bigger slip-up: I MUST STOP EATING CHIPS. Just because they are vegan and gluten free doesn't make it right.

Weddings countdown:
-85 days as of writing this post.
-Current wedding stress: Still the food. Still have no flippin' idea what I'll be serving my guests...
-Diet-freakout: Still 8 pounds heavier than I was when I bought the dress (gulp). ARGH.

THIS WEEK'S KEY TO SUCCESS: Post-it notes to remind me to focus on one thing at a time, and to BE, not GO.

THIS WEEK'S PERSONAL CHALLENGE: To get 8 hours of sleep each night, and to go to bed at the same time as my fiancé.



Dorothy said...

Great post Rebecca. Please do not, DO NOT, stop writing. I personally need to read it! I have been that go, go, go woman you are describing. (And I didn't stop going, and I had a health crisis). I think it's wonderful you have a career that you love. And a marriage coming up. Great things happening there. I like your post it note idea. Good one. I look forward to reading your next post! Dorothy

Stella S said...

I have to share with you an affirmation that comes from Louise Hay's book "You Can Heal Your Life".
"I am willing to release the need to be unworthy.
I am worthy of the very best in life, and I now lovingly allow myself to accept it.
As I spend a few days doing this affirmation over and over, my outer effect pattern of procrastination will automatically begin to fade.
As I internally create a pattern of self-worth, then I no longer have the need to delay my good."
Rebecca, you are worthy to be doing this challenge.
Stella S

burghgrl said...

Hi Rebecca,'re in this group ~for a reason-to learn, share, broaden -your own unique situation is more more more than enough for us ALL to gain true perspective from. I don't think there's many, if any of us who don't feel at least a bit unworthy. Like someone ELSE deserves it-more. Crazyness...of COURSE you do. You ladies, who've stepped up to actually DO this challenge were FAR, FAR braver than the rest of us who are grateful to watch and learn from a distance. I was too scared to do it for sure, so I'm just EXTREMELY happy to learn- from you all! Omgosh...the go go go get it done type drive you feel, is one we all must try to get our brains around, just to BEGIN to heal, both internally, and out. PLEASE,-don't abandon us now!! Go girl...your NOW. XOXOX


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