As part of The Gluten Free Health Challenge, Dorothy will be sharing her journal entries with you the first 3 Sundays of every month from now until December. She'll be receiving free health coaching from Drew Parisi of Parisi Nutrition and Iris Higgins of Your Fairy Angel during this period. To learn how to join us from home, click here.______________________________________________________________
Finally, I'm going to talk about the GF Health Challenge - but don't worry, next week, I'll tell you more about Mr. Dynamic and the trials and tribulations of my dating life.
I heard a saying about how you can never go back home. I never thought about what that actually meant. However, today it really hit me. What if my life here in Washington, working at this aviation company, is going to be it for me? What if I can never fully get my health and vitality back? What if I can never go back to Southern California? What if this is my new life? What if I can never go home? That thought makes me so grief stricken. I don't even know what I mean by home exactly. That's something to really ponder. I've had a searching and longing for years and years about where my home should be. Where is the right place for me? All I know is that I've been trying so hard to "get back." But get back where? To a better standard of living? To family? To community? To what? What is this longing I have? I have such anger inside that I am still at American Avionics. It's anger at ownership but most of all, it's anger at myself. Anger that I haven't managed to make the shift. Really, if this is my new life, I won't be able to take it. I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE IT! When will the transition be over? When can I be in my new life where I can settle down? I don't feel settled. I won't make a home because I don't want to stay where I am. The problem is, this is actually my life. And I need to be living it. How am I going to feel proud about this new place I'm in? Even if it's a transition place, it's still my life. I have to find a way to feel happier about it. What is this big struggle? It just feels like a lot of grief inside me. Okay, this gluten free challenge is coming at just the right time.
You know, I've thought about my writing and how personal I'm getting. Letting others see such private stuff about me (re: Mr. Dynamic). But then I think...I'm 50 years old. My mother died at 56 years. My dad died at almost 67 years. What if I only have 5-6 years to live? I mean, it's going by fast. What do I still want to accomplish? What do I want to work through? Overcome? At the end of my life, what lessons will I have learned? What will I have achieved? I've decided there isn't time to dilly dally. I need to get my health and my life in order. Face any fears I have head on. And I'm going to write about it and I'm going to let people see. Because this may be the only thing I leave behind. Now, I already know that statement isn't true...but really, what else do I want to leave behind? I really, really, really, really hope I can build a healthy routine, build an even better life for myself, overcome body image issues, fear of intimacy, maybe even fear of the dentist. I have just got to try. I don't want to waste my life. I'm happy to have my life. I am not giving up on myself, ever! Even if I freak out in the middle of a date or pig out on unhealthy food or don't always shave my legs. I just gotta love and accept myself as me. I want to hear the Disney music even when I'm alone.
Here we go...
My last gluten meal:
I ordered pepperoni pizza. My last gluten meal for 6 months. But I'm full after 2 slices and my stomach (and back) sort of hurt.
I started coughing violently in bed. Ran to the bathroom and threw up pepperoni pizza. I think it's the (blood pressure) medication again. I am so glad I'm starting gluten free tomorrow!
Day 1 Gluten Free
I've been throwing up and coughing regularly; my stomach's hurting. I have very low energy. VERY LOW. I'm using coffee to get me through the day (plus I LOVE coffee with hazelnut creamer). I'm drinking very little water. Instead I'm drinking coffee like it's water. My feet hurt. Some days I feel like an 80-year old woman, all hunched over. I have high blood pressure issues and am on a new medication. I have to lie down a lot and take naps regularly. I'm not able to do much house cleaning, just the bare minimum. I'm late to work almost daily (no matter how hard I try).
And I take baths almost every day. I LOVE BATH TIME!
|Bell pepper stuffed with turkey, quinoa and veggies|
Day 7 Gluten Free
I did not throw up all week! My stomach/digestive pains disappeared by the end of the week. I have more energy! Thank God I have more energy! I'm drinking less coffee than before, and it was a natural thing. Not "the hardest thing ever" like in the past. Perhaps this is because I have less "foggy brain" upon waking. My nervous system feels calmer.
Writing about all this is really good for me, and reading the challenger posts and Facebook comments is SO GOOD FOR ME!
I still take baths every day. I LOVE BATH TIME.
My biggest challenge:
I didn't have enough food prepared at the start of the week. It's been a very emotional week for me. Lots of: crying, emotions, writing, crying, emotions, writing, crying, emotions, writing. June 7th was the hardest; I found myself crying at a gluten free restaurant.
I think the key to the Gluten Free Challenge for me will be having plenty of foods made in advance, plenty of variety, lots of crunchy foods, and lots of foods I don't have to cook. I have to make enough food on the weekend to last for the entire week.
Some of my favorite gluten free meals so far:
Green smoothie with protein powder (recommended by my coach)
Quinoa with sautéed fruit and nuts (pears and/or apples and nuts sautéed in coconut oil)
Poached salmon with quinoa, roasted yams, sautéed garlic spinach
Spanish brown rice and beans with turkey hot dogs
Veggie egg scramble on GF toast
NutThins with avocado and cottage cheese
Tips from my coach, Drew Parisi
Recommended a good protein powder for me (tastes good)
Eat protein (with carbs and fat) at every meal and every snack
Drink more water, drink more water, drink more water!
Great recipes, meal planning, smoothie recipes
Thank you, Drew! So great to have you as my partner!