Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Rebecca's Balancing Act: Waiting to Shatter

As part of the Gluten Free Health Challenge, Rebecca will be posting her journal entries on the first 3 Wednesdays of every month from now until December. During that time, she'll receive free health coaching from Ellen Allard of Gluten Free Diva and Iris Higgins of Your Fairy Angel.

My first post. I am sitting in my car to write this. I sit in my car a lot. It's my only neutral zone. Otherwise I am with a client or a colleague or in my office at home or with my fiance at home. My car is the only place where I get to be alone. I am eating a Trader Joe's bag of Herb and Spices Popcorn. I'll make it through most of the bag before I get home.

I am pretty sure that snacking is not supposed to be part of this blogging challenge. Oh well. So let's start there. I love to eat. I love how things taste. I love how things smell. I love to taste new things, especially layers of flavors, most especially savory and spicy flavors. But if that were my only food hang up, I'd be fine.

I also use food to deaden my sense. A colleague of mine described it well the other day. I embrace the food coma... It is the only way I know how to slow down. Otherwise I am running, running, running. I am always "on." Thinking, scheming, planning, designing. Designing my yard, client homes, my wedding, three other ways to run my business, two other companies I could start. It's exhausting in my head. Food is a great numbing agent.

Meanwhile I have had more than my share of, um, girly problems. About a year ago, I got tired of recurring candida infections and decided to talk to a naturopath. We talked about the infections, the accompanying intimacy issues, and also my general spikes and valleys in energy (I regularly had to pull over in my car to take a fifteen minute nap). She suggested an elimination diet.

I LOVED it. I am a black-and-white kind of girl. Tell me clearly what to do and what not to do; I can do it. That was two months of Easy! That's the problem with food. Unlike alcohol or drugs, you can't just eliminate the temptation. Results? No more yeast, much less fatigue, nearly no headaches, and not only did I feel lighter on the inside, I also weighed ten pounds less and it had felt like no effort!!

I thought that at last I'd found my answer. Just avoid wheat and dairy.

Then, day by day, little by little, I slipped, until I was back to eating Taco Bell daily, facing the girly issues again, and having headaches.

So here I am, ten pounds heavier than the weight at which I bought my wedding dress (which I'm supposed to wear on September 13th this year!), feeling heavy, headachy, and frustrated with myself.

I won't die if I eat gluten. It's more a sensitivity or intolerance to wheat and dairy that I face. I don't have major trauma from eating poorly. Instead my life is filled with little tiny cracks in the perfect glass of my life, waiting to shatter because I put too much stress on it and rarely give myself the support I need.

This challenge, for me, is meant to build a foundation under my life so that I can keep living as fully as I already do, without having it all crash down around me because I didn't nourish my body, give it rest, and learn to create limits and boundaries. If I can create these habits, I will have more intimacy with my fiance, fewer headaches and nerve pain in my arm, maintain a healthy weight easily, sleep well, wake refreshed, keep an even least that is the idea!

Oh, and fit my wedding dress. That too.

I am hoping this works...again...for the first time.



Anonymous said...

Hi Rebecca, I loved reading your post. I completely understand about your car being your neutral zone....and about the food coma. I had to laugh, but I related to both those comments. The food coma.....helping to numb the stress and any emotional pain. Ah yes. Congratulations on the wedding coming up. I'm convinced you'll fit into you dress! Thanks again for sharing your story and I look forward to reading more posts. Oh, and I like your photo and the cool hat! Big hug, Dorothy

Delicious Alternatives said...

Hi Rebecca, thanks for being so honest. I think it is great that you have a neutral zone. Doesn't matter where it is. Can you get in touch with how you felt when you were on your elimination diet? Can you feel yourself there again? I listened to this amazing Hay House Audio yesterday by Ali Campbell. He is this funny Scottish guy and he was talking about our thoughts. How we are not our thoughts, and that the quality of our thoughts equals the quality of our life. That we are one thought away from feeling well.
He suggests that we try to be quiet for at least 15 minutes every day and just let the thought come and go. That when it comes to making a decision about a thought make it from your body, what feels right in your body, not what your mind tells you.


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