Friday, June 21, 2013

Marie's Musings: Somewhere Over The Rainbow

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As part of the Gluten Free Health Challenge, Marie will be posting her journal entries on the first 3 Fridays of every month from now until December. She will also be receiving free health coaching during this time from Sarah Dochow of Nurture Nutrition and Iris Higgins of Your Fairy Angel

This has been a rather emotional week for me. I've heard that when people go through drastic dietary changes, it can bring up a lot of feelings. I'm not sure if that's what's going on with me or if I'm just being crazy for other reasons, but this week has definitely been a rocky one. 

First, my cravings are phenomenally overwhelming. I find myself missing bread and flour tortillas. And cheese. Sweet heaven do I miss cheese. If I wasn't so busy having nightmares, I think I'd even be dreaming about cheese - but more on that later.

The staple of my diet these days

My diet has been pretty boring this week. Lots of nuts, whiskey (I know, I know), beans, and chickpeas. I don't know why but chickpeas are almost like comfort food for me, especially drowning in cayenne pepper sauce, so I've been relying on that as a staple. You really can't go wrong at $0.65 a can, am I right? I've also been chewing more gum this week. I notice it makes me gassy and I end up burping a lot. Not really sure if that's a good sign or a bad sign.

So on to these nightmares that I've been having. Actually, sleep problems and nightmares are nothing new to me, but I can say that since going vegan and gluten free, they are more vivid and more terrifying. I don't really know if I can attribute that to what I've been eating or just the general state my life is in. I dream about being tortured and killed. And I have this recurring nightmare which comes up a lot, where I am driving a car but when I go to brake, nothing happens and the car goes out of control. I looked it up and read that dreaming about driving is symbolic of your life journey. Am I moving too fast? Is my life out of control? I don't even know how that would make sense as I feel I have been stagnating for so long.

I also find myself very nostalgic this week. I plan on moving out of the country when my lease is up at the end of the year. It's something I've been planning for months and I am really looking forward to it. And yet, I keep on thinking about being back in New York City where I am from and buying a house and just being somewhere familiar. Part of me doesn't want to go back because I am terrified of dying only miles from where I was born. And yet, part of me just wants to return to the place where I was happiest.

To be honest, I'm not really sure if I've ever been truly happy in my entire life. 

Told you I've been emotional this week.

Anyway, I'm really not so sure what, if anything, this has to do with what I am eating. Maybe I'm just thinking about my life more since it's coming up on three years since I've moved to the desert. Maybe I am hormonal. Or maybe now that I'm simplifying what I eat, I have the energy to focus on the mind and emotional stuff and not just the body stuff.

I'm not quite sure I like it.



Dorothy said...

Wow Marie, that was so honest I could feel the emotion of it, even if I don't know the meaning of it. One of my life long searches has been "where is my home". I'm sure I will write about it. I don't have any immediate insights for you Marie. I just wanted to let you know your writing had an impact on me. Thank you for that.

Elizabeth A. said...

Hi Marie. Your post struck a chord with me, too, in lots of ways. But one thing for sure.....when I stopped eating cheese, I stood in front of the cheese counter at the co-op and cried. This is not easy.


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