Sunday, June 9, 2013

Dorothy's Diary: I Have a Fucking Date!

As part of The Gluten Free Health Challenge, Dorothy will be sharing her journal entries with you the first 3 Sundays of every month from now until December. She'll be receiving free health coaching from Drew Parisi of Parisi Nutrition and Iris Higgins of Your Fairy Angel during this period. To learn how to join us from home, click here 
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OMG I met a man!

With my manly group of coworkers




















May 14, 2013
Met a man at work today - never seen him before - instant strong attraction. He touched my arm and looked me in the eyes. Oh Lord! In less than an hour, he had "stopped by" Starbucks to talk to me and had given me his phone number. This was a dynamic, take charge guy...a real man. Oh Lord. After he left, I looked up in the sky above me - pictured my spirit team there - said thank you, and laughed. Guess that's one way of getting me back to the gym. Ha! We'll see what happens.

Had a doctor's appointment (ugh) and started a new high blood pressure medication. Then I threw up in the evening. Could it be the new meds? Or maybe it's because I baked a half package of Mrs. Fields chocolate chip cookie dough. Then I ate all of the cookies. (Iris...help!)

May 15, 2013
Mr. Dynamic & Take Charge stopped by my office unannounced to say hi. He looked goooood. Tall, broad shoulders, manly. We talked in the parking lot for five minutes and then he gave me a big ole hug before driving off. I work with a manly group of jet mechanics (who I love and adore), and I know they've never seen any man give me a hug before. That is in 2 1/2 years! I was praying they weren't watching out the window; Otherwise I was pretty sure I'd be hearing some loving but smart ass remarks.

Darn it! Today I had a sore throat. By lunch time, I was so sleepy I could barely stay awake. At 2:30pm I took a ten minute nap in the car. Then by 3:00, I literally couldn't sit up straight. Took a one-hour nap in the car, then came back and worked until 6pm. Came home, fast asleep by 7pm.

Don't know if I actually have a cold or if it's the new med. I always have extreme reactions to medication changes. I felt depressed. I had zero energy. Felt like I couldn't do anything except fall into bed.

I'm so tired of not being healthy. I am in a cycle - I feel very bad/unhealthy, then I eat better, exercise, and start to feel good again. When I feel really good, I stop the exercise and healthy eating, thinking, "I am well now." I keep forgetting that I have to maintain the routine. Because it takes time and work. 




















May 16, 2013
Woke up at 5am without an alarm. Slept ten hours. Feel better but not quite right. Don't want to take the new med today...afraid of the reaction.

OMG! I have a Fucking Date! (My first date in Washington. My first date since turning fifty years old. I am still alive!!!)

May 17, 2013
Still coughing, darn it!

I received a call and subsequent texts from Mr. Dynamic & Take Charge. Could I go out on a date with him tonight? I instantly knew I needed time to get ready (whatever that means) so I asked if it could be another night. Nope, tonight was his free night. I heard myself say yes and we agreed to meet at 8pm. OMG excitement and panic! What was I going to wear? I didn't have a good date outfit and I sure didn't have date bra and underwear. I hadn't shaved my legs in...well let's just say a while. I was getting my hair cut and colored the next day. The next day! Why couldn't the date be tomorrow night? I was excited, but all of a sudden the panic set in. The following is the exchange of text messages.

Mr: I need some help studying. Do you have any time after work to help me? 

D: Do you care if I cough sometimes? I don't want to get you sick. 

Mr: No, I have medicine

D: Next question. What are you studying? Is this really study time? Or is it more like I better shave my legs because you might touch them? 

Mr: Wow ok both.

D: Does it need to be tonight? Or does tomorrow night work? But it would be like 8pm-ish. 

Mr: 8 is okay, I am cracking up on your hairy legs

D: I'm much more bold on the phone than in person, can you tell? I am going to wear big granny underwear so I don't let myself get carried away. What do you think about that? Ha. 

Mr: You don't want to wear underwear

D: YES I DO.

Mr: Why is that

D: Because you have to study and I will be nervous. What are you studying for real? Wait, serious question now. Do you have certain expectations? Because I cannot promise you anything other than my company. You already know I think you're sexy but no promises. 

Mr: You are killing me

D: I am trying to be lighthearted but also tell my feelings. That way if you just want a quick  one-night-stand we can both bow out gracefully. Or I might push you to the floor and crawl up and down your body. But I want to make my own decisions. No pressure. Please... What you are hearing is strong attraction and fear combined.

Mr: OK, address provided

D: So that's for tomorrow night (hoping for after the hair cut)

Mr: No

D: Tonight?

Mr: Yes

D: OK, see you then. 

I left work on time and drove straight home. Immediately called my sister for advice. Quick, in the bathtub, wash hair, shave legs, 5 minutes relax time, then put on good-smelling lotion. Walk over to closet and see pile of dirty laundry on the floor. Hmmmm, what's left on the hangers? Okay, picked out the only option available (skirt and zip-up top) and decided it would have to work.

Finally ready and started driving...saw the most beautiful double rainbow. It was stunning. Hopefully a good sign.

I made a very impressive entrance. I have a GPS but I still couldn't find the house. Mr. Dynamic was on the phone giving me directions. As I was speeding down the road, I caught sight of a man waving his arms at me from his field. It was Mr. Dynamic. Screech...put on the brakes, reversed, started backing up so I could turn into the private road. Honk honk! There was a pick-up truck behind me. Yikes! I had almost backed up into the truck. I looked and saw Mr. Dynamic had seen the whole thing. His expression said it all. He put both hands on his head like he couldn't believe it. I did what any normal girl would do; I started laughing, then turned my car into his private road. As I rolled up to the front door, I called out the window, "Hello, nice to see you again. I'm actually a very good driver. I've been to dragster racing school." And then I laughed. 

And so started what turned out to be an interesting and enlightening evening. I say "enlightening" because Mr. Dynamic was like a big mirror and I had to face myself over and over again. I knew I had walls up, but I didn't really understand how many walls were up. At one point, Mr. Dynamic touched my arm. I wasn't expecting it and I jumped about three feet in the air. At another point, as Mr. Dynamic started asking me his direct questions, I realized how much I tried to hide myself to the world. I didn't want others to see the imperfect or vulnerable parts. It was a big smack in the face. That evening brought a stronger sense of self awareness.

It took quite some time for me to relax, to process everything I was seeing and hearing and feeling. But ultimately I felt like I was talking to someone who was direct, take charge, but pretty open and nonjudgmental about me (and my weight/body). Little by little I started relaxing and it was an interesting evening. No final conclusions yet but definitely on the positive side. I'm glad I went on the date. It was a good date. If there is another one, that would be nice. If not, that's okay too. I feel calm about it all (at least for now).

Wow, I went on a date.

P.S. He touched my legs.

-Dorothy-

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