As part of The Gluten Free Health Challenge, Amy will be sharing her journal entries here the first 3 Mondays of every month from now until December. She'll be receiving free health coaching from Mia Davis of Blissful Chicks Wellness and Iris Higgins of Your Fairy Angel during this period.
Trying to figure out what to write this week was really tough. Finally I decided to talk about some of the challenges I've had this week with following through with the challenge. Then I read something posted by another challenger that made me decide what direction I wanted to take my thoughts.
I've had a rough couple of days and fell off the "gluten free bandwagon." I thought I was doing so well and now here I am, having had a couple of rough days. In the past, I would have just continued to eat the crap that makes me feel bad, but now I am trying not to be too hard on myself. In general, I tend to be an all or nothing type of person. When I try something new, I expect that I am going to do it perfectly with no mistakes ever! When the first week was pretty easy, I figured I was all set. I figured I had finally made up my mind and I was going to complete what I set out to do: eliminate gluten from my diet. The fact that I had felt better almost immediately made me think that I had kicked my carb addiction. Boy was I wrong!
I am currently about 30-40 pounds overweight. I think this all or nothing mindset sets me up for failure with weight loss and eating foods that I shouldn't be eating. I mentioned last week that I think eliminating gluten made a huge difference in my sleep, my mood, my energy, and even what I put in my mouth. Even though I feel so much better, I have still allowed myself to eat foods that either aren't healthy or aren't good for my body. I think if I could just let myself realize that:
A) Eating something that makes me feel bad isn't a fail. It's just something that I need to move on from and maybe try to think about why I ate it.
B) Something that feels good in the moment (that fresh roll that seems to taste oh-so-good) is probably going to make me miserable in a few hours or even days.
C) I just plain need to be easier on myself.
A Facebook friend is opening a creative arts studio in my town. She asked me to teach a class. This perfectionist issue is making me feel like I can't do it. I am thinking that maybe I just need to go for it and see how it goes. Like my eating issues, it doesn't have to be perfect. I can learn from my mistakes. When I eat something I shouldn't, maybe I can learn from that too. Maybe I can open myself up to be more aware of why I ate what I did. Maybe, instead of letting it spiral me down and give up, or even make me not want to try something new in the future...maybe, just maybe I can allow myself to make mistakes and not be perfect and not feel like I can't try anything new in case I fail.
When I agreed to do this challenge, I initially figured that it would help support me on my way to eliminating gluten. I figured it would give me the motivation to keep moving forward. I didn't think that it would help me with body image issues, food addiction issues, how I feel about myself in general (the things that I am able to do/be), or help me be a stronger person overall.
I'm not saying that I am never going to make mistakes with what I eat or with how I feel about myself. What I am saying is maybe, just maybe, I won't always be so hard on myself. Maybe I will look at missteps as a learning experience, not as a failure!