Read the last installment here.
What do you do if you're about to have sex with somebody for the first time and he tells you he loves you?
If you're me, you silently think, "It's okay, it's okay. Just go back to kissing and forget that happened."
And then you have really good sex.
But wait, how did we get here? Sex and declarations of love? The last you heard, we had just gone on our first date. How did we get here already?
Let's track backwards.
The first time Blue Eyes...ahem...slept over...he stopped me in the middle of a rather amorous embrace. At this point I should tell you that I grew up on romance novels and even wrote one once, so writing this story without telling all the juicy, yummy details is absolutely driving me crazy. But for the sake of Blue Eyes and any family members who are reading, I'll just allude to what you know is happening here.
So he stopped me with an idea that left me absolutely stumped. He wanted to wait until Valentine's Day for our first time. I wasn't so sure about this idea and was thoroughly confused by such a request from a guy. Usually I was the one slowing things down. But when he told me his reason, I was charmed and had to say okay.
He told me that in the past he had rushed into things and his relationships had never lasted. With me, he told me, he wanted it to last and so he wanted to take things slow.
I melted. I wasn't even sure if I wanted the relationship to last, but that was pretty much the sweetest thing I had ever heard.
We never made it to Valentine's Day. (Are you surprised?)
But that was all me. God bless him, he tried to stop me. On the night of the infamous love declaration, I was pushing in every way I could. Pushing him to let go of his control, pushing him to tell me what was on his mind because I could see there was something he was trying not to tell me. I had no idea what it was but I was sure it was bad. That's just the way my mind works. So when I told him for the umpteenth time to just say what was on his mind, he blurted, "I love you."
I swear I think the clock stopped ticking for a second.
That was not at all what I was expecting. And not something I was ready for.
But I rallied. I took a deep breath, plastered a determined look on my face and kissed him for all I was worth.
For all intents and purposes, that night was our Valentine's Day.
I don't remember what happened the next morning. Don't remember if we spoke about what he said or ignored it. But I went away that weekend, on a little retreat with my housemates. And the time away told me what I wanted to know.
When I got back, I knew I needed to talk to him.
Read the next installment here.