Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The Permaculture Homestead: How To End a Relationship Before It Starts

Start here:
Part 1: The Beginning
Part 2: Meet Blue Eyes

There's this myth in Seattle, about how Seattle men are passive in dating. Basically if you, as a woman, want anything to happen, you have to make it happen because he won't. Well, I'm here to tell you that after two years of living there, I can unequivocally say that that is no myth.

It is absolute truth.

Blue Eyes, however, grew up in Arizona and Missouri. So what was his excuse?

After our romantic walk in the rain, I didn't hear from him. He had my number. It was clear I liked him.

What kind of game was he playing???

Oh riiiight... I always conveniently forget this part. As I sat here trying to remember what happened next, my boyfriend's voice just popped into my head saying, "Really? You're going to tell this story as if I was just acting weird but leave out the rest of that night? Don't you remember what happened? You were the reason I was unsure about pursuing you." 

Sigh. Shoot, he's right. It was totally my fault.

So let's go back to the night of the costume party. Blue Eyes and I had taken our walk in the rain and when the bar closed, we went with our friends to their apartment nearby. I have to admit that Blue Eyes was not the only good-looking guy there, although he was the only one I was so fascinated by. But being newly single, I had a bit of a wandering eye, and a few drinks hadn't exactly focused it.

As with the night we met, we had different ideas about what happened that night. 

Here's my side of the story. I want to proclaim right now that I was completely innocent. Dumb, but innocent.

Once we got to our friends' apartment, I knew we were at the point in the night when something might happen between Blue Eyes and me. Something more than flirtation. At one point he left to get food, and I used this as an opportunity to panic. Did I want something to happen? He seemed like a really nice guy. Not the kind of guy you just have fun with. And I was never any good at "having fun" anyway. Actually, I'd never had fun, just serious relationships. Who was I kidding? I couldn't play around here. And the kicker: He was three years younger than me! I was almost thirty. I couldn't get involved with a twenty-five year old.

As I sat on the couch, this feeling came over me. I'd experienced it many times over the years. It was a feeling that told me that this guy was genuine and that he really liked me and I had better run. I'm not proud of it. But that's what I was feeling.

When one of the guys who lived at the apartment asked me if I wanted to sleep in his room, I initially said no and that I would crash on the couch. But he cajoled and assured me nothing would happen and he was just asking as a friend so that I would be more comfortable. I told myself I just wanted a nice bed to sleep on. After all, I was sleeping on a blow up mattress at home. But if I'm being honest, I was running away from someone else.

And nothing happened that night. He slept on his side of the bed, I slept on mine, and I headed home first thing in the morning. We remained friends and that was that.

But here's what Blue Eyes saw happen. He went out with a friend to get food and came back - with a sandwich for me no less. When he came back in, he saw me walking into a bedroom with this other guy and the door closed behind us. We didn't come back out.

Needless to say, he left and had no intention of pursuing me after that.

I never knew until months later that Blue Eyes had seen me go in there. I knew of course that I had disappeared without saying a word to him. But I chalked that up to a drunken miscommunication and managed to forget all about it. When I didn't hear from him after that night, I couldn't figure out what had gone wrong.

One thing I've always been good at is knowing how to end a relationship before it's ever started. 

Of course, you all know that wasn't the end.

It was still just the beginning.

Read the next installment here.


Betty said...

I think Blue Eyes responded
correctly. :)

Shani said...

wow you have convinced me to move to seattle!

gfe--gluten free easily said...

Oh my goodness! Poor guy to see that and make the expected assumption. said...

Poor guy! I can see how he assumed that, and I can easily see how that was your defense mechanism...I'm glad I know this story has a happy ending :-)


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