Monday, October 15, 2012

This is My Confession

First of all, I want to thank those of you who have read and commented on my last two posts. I know that this has primarily been a recipe blog, and you might be wondering where the recipes are. Well don't worry. I have some good ones coming. But as someone with multiple food sensitivities, I've been doing my best lately to focus my energy on things outside of food. While eating the perfect diet - whatever that means - may be important to my healing, so is self-care. And in taking care of myself over the last few months, I've learned more than I expected to about what I need in order to be happy and healthy.

Perhaps more than I wanted to.

You see, about two months ago I made a commitment to my own self-care. I decided that I was going to give myself three things I needed every day. No matter what.
  1. 8+ hours of sleep a night. 
  2. Daily exercise. 
  3. Daily self-hypnosis. 
As a hypnotherapist, I believe in the power of the subconscious to tell us what we really need to know. I've been wanting to understand so many aspects of my life on a deeper level: my desire to binge, my food sensitivities and how to heal, the path my life is going in and what will make me happiest, my purpose in life...

That's a big one, right? Life purpose.

To be perfectly honest, that's been the easiest part of the puzzle to decipher.

It only took 30 years.

As a Women's Wellness Coach, I work with my clients through hypnotherapy and guided meditations to help them focus on their own self-care. To help them see their own power, the possibilities in their lives, and if I'm lucky, to help them understand their purpose in this world. You see, that is my ultimate goal. I don't believe it's my purpose to change the world. I believe I'm here to help you change the world. And I have complete faith in the women I work with and the strength they carry within them.

Having faith in my own purpose and strength has been much harder.

When I began to do self-hypnosis on a daily basis, I knew my subconscious had a message for me. Frankly, it was pretty loud and clear and it really scared me. It wanted me to go against everything that had always made sense to me, had always been easy for me, and was what I thought I should do.

It wanted me to drop the "shoulds" and just do what I truly wanted, deep down. Despite the fear.

So, readers, this is my confession. For some reason, I've been afraid to tell you.

After two years of struggling to feel excited about a program that I had realized almost immediately wasn't right for me, I've decided not to complete my master's degree in nutrition. And before you say it, I'll say it for you because I've heard it all. I've spent thousands of dollars on this program, gone into further educational debt, I don't have that much to go, and if I quit now, I'll have wasted all that time and money. I should just finish it!

I know it all. I've agonized over it. And then one day, I couldn't ignore the screaming in my head anymore. The screaming that said, you know what you want to do in your life. You'll never heal and you'll never be happy if you don't do it. Now is the time.

Last month, I sent back my newly disbursed loans and dropped out of my classes. I gave my landlord and my housemates notice that I was moving. I gave the family I nanny for notice that I would be leaving. I made the decision to move with my boyfriend to a more affordable town north of Seattle (Bellingham, for those of you wondering). And I made a commitment to myself.

To devote myself one hundred percent to what I feel is my calling. This month, I've taken on a new client in my Six-Month Self-Care Program. Next month, I plan on taking on more clients and working for myself full-time. In December, I'll be hosting my first women's healing retreat (more details later this week). No more falling back on school. No more falling back on a day job to pay the bills. Just me and faith in what I'm doing.

Well, maybe it's not just me. It's my boyfriend who will be by my side through all my breakdowns and breakthroughs. It's Elise, my soul sister and partner in workshops and retreats. It's my clients, who unknowingly renew my faith when it falters. It's my family, my friends, and it's you. My readers, who I adore even though I've never met most of you.

This is my confession: When I listened to my inner wisdom, it told me the path to healing was not food. It was life. And so I'm living it. Fear and all.


Ali said...

I love this post so much! And I am thrilled to hear you will be moving to my town, can't wait! You are such an inspiration.

Iris said...

Ali, When my boyfriend and I were in Bellingham last week looking for an apartment, we saw your books at The Public Market. I pointed them out to him and said, "Those are Ali and Tom's books! They're celebrities around here and Bastyr!" Being his typical self, he just shrugged and said, "I've never heard of them." And I laughed and said, "Well you've been eating their recipes for weeks!"

Cara said...

Bravo for sharing this! I always think it is awesome when I hear of people following their gut like this :)

aseafish said...

What a delightful post! Good luck every step of the way.

SunnySeattleRose said...

Your post gave me chills. Congratulations for listening to yourself and going for your dream! Being sick and taking big risks can seem like foolishness to some, but I believe that some of us, myself included, in big changes to heal. Wishing you all the best!

The Gluten-free 'Dish' said...

I am so happy for you Iris! What a lovely post. You inspire all of us to have courage to do what we know we are called to do, I am so proud of you! You go girl!

Darlene said...

Best Wishes to you! This is the time in your life to follow your passion. I applaud you. It may be a sign that I am in Maryland and tonight I cooked salmon from Lummi Island that was shipped from.....Bellingham,WA!

Anonymous said...

Bravo! stay true to your calling. Well done.

Christy said...

Congratulations Iris! It takes a lot of courage and vulnerability to follow your inner voice! I hope that you find peace and healing through your journey:)

Madelaine said...

Thank you for the very timely post. May we all follow in your footsteps and find our true purpose. You are very lucky. In fact, I'm a little jealous, but also inspired to keep working on hearing what my own inner voice has to share. I may need help!

Amy said...

Good for you for listening to yourself. I finished my master's program 5 years ago and am still not sure that this is the true career I want to be in. I figure, I can be a social worker until I can figure out what I truly want to do with my life! I like being a social worker, but it is not my true passion. I hope that one day I can figure out what it is that I really want to do and find a way to do it! Good luck!!!

Metta said...

Congratulations to you! It can be difficult to stop something when you are so far in. I am slowly learning that not completing something doesn’t make you a failure; it just means a new path has been revealed.

gfe--gluten free easily said...

Oh, Iris, your posts always resonate with so many of us. The very worst reason to follow through with something is because you started down the path and perhaps were close to the end of the path. It's so easy to see when you're looking at someone else's one's own. So many shoulda, coulda, woulda factors come into play, you know? Would we tell someone to go through with a marriage they'd figured out was wrong? Of course not. You've just figured out what's right for you and I'm so very proud of you for doing so!! Everything we do in life contributes to who we are in some fashion. I know that the time you spent on your Masters program was not at all a waste. Classes, information learned, information that didn't click, people you met along the way, etc. all are contributing to the end result of who Iris is. :-) I'm so happy for you!


Jenn M said...

I have immensely enjoyed your posts over the past few days. I never leave comments, but I just had to today. 12 years ago, I jumped blindly into my life, followed my own dreams and left behind what everyone wanted me to do. Taking this leap of faith and moving from the midwest to Denver, I also left behind the depression and anxiety that had plagued me for years. Since then, I have met the man of my dreams, started a family and traveled around the globe twice. My souls is at peace!
I am so happy for you and this step you have taken to inner peace and happiness!

EmilykLevine said...

Amazing amazing iris! :o)

You make me proud!!


Maggie said...

Yay Iris! I'm so happy for you. I know what it's like to agonize over something, it ain't easy sister! Follow your heart. And if I ever get to Bellingham, I am SO coming for a hypnotherapy session. xo

Iris said...

Thanks y'all!

Maggie, I do my sessions over the phone. ;)

Susan aka paintermom said...

Good for you! I will send lots of energy for your success and healing. I, too, am trying to get out of my own way to move toward my highest self but It is scary! I wish for abundance for both of us.


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