First of all, I want to thank those of you who have read and commented on my last two posts. I know that this has primarily been a recipe blog, and you might be wondering where the recipes are. Well don't worry. I have some good ones coming. But as someone with multiple food sensitivities, I've been doing my best lately to focus my energy on things outside of food. While eating the perfect diet - whatever that means - may be important to my healing, so is self-care. And in taking care of myself over the last few months, I've learned more than I expected to about what I need in order to be happy and healthy.
Perhaps more than I wanted to.
You see, about two months ago I made a commitment to my own self-care. I decided that I was going to give myself three things I needed every day. No matter what.
- 8+ hours of sleep a night.
- Daily exercise.
- Daily self-hypnosis.
That's a big one, right? Life purpose.
To be perfectly honest, that's been the easiest part of the puzzle to decipher.
It only took 30 years.
As a Women's Wellness Coach, I work with my clients through hypnotherapy and guided meditations to help them focus on their own self-care. To help them see their own power, the possibilities in their lives, and if I'm lucky, to help them understand their purpose in this world. You see, that is my ultimate goal. I don't believe it's my purpose to change the world. I believe I'm here to help you change the world. And I have complete faith in the women I work with and the strength they carry within them.
Having faith in my own purpose and strength has been much harder.
When I began to do self-hypnosis on a daily basis, I knew my subconscious had a message for me. Frankly, it was pretty loud and clear and it really scared me. It wanted me to go against everything that had always made sense to me, had always been easy for me, and was what I thought I should do.
It wanted me to drop the "shoulds" and just do what I truly wanted, deep down. Despite the fear.
So, readers, this is my confession. For some reason, I've been afraid to tell you.
After two years of struggling to feel excited about a program that I had realized almost immediately wasn't right for me, I've decided not to complete my master's degree in nutrition. And before you say it, I'll say it for you because I've heard it all. I've spent thousands of dollars on this program, gone into further educational debt, I don't have that much to go, and if I quit now, I'll have wasted all that time and money. I should just finish it!
I know it all. I've agonized over it. And then one day, I couldn't ignore the screaming in my head anymore. The screaming that said, you know what you want to do in your life. You'll never heal and you'll never be happy if you don't do it. Now is the time.
Last month, I sent back my newly disbursed loans and dropped out of my classes. I gave my landlord and my housemates notice that I was moving. I gave the family I nanny for notice that I would be leaving. I made the decision to move with my boyfriend to a more affordable town north of Seattle (Bellingham, for those of you wondering). And I made a commitment to myself.
To devote myself one hundred percent to what I feel is my calling. This month, I've taken on a new client in my Six-Month Self-Care Program. Next month, I plan on taking on more clients and working for myself full-time. In December, I'll be hosting my first women's healing retreat (more details later this week). No more falling back on school. No more falling back on a day job to pay the bills. Just me and faith in what I'm doing.
Well, maybe it's not just me. It's my boyfriend who will be by my side through all my breakdowns and breakthroughs. It's Elise, my soul sister and partner in workshops and retreats. It's my clients, who unknowingly renew my faith when it falters. It's my family, my friends, and it's you. My readers, who I adore even though I've never met most of you.
This is my confession: When I listened to my inner wisdom, it told me the path to healing was not food. It was life. And so I'm living it. Fear and all.