Saturday, May 19, 2012

Are You A People Pleaser?

I'm a people pleaser. Most of us are to some extent, right? That's just normal. But some of us are worse than others. Why am I looking at this as a bad thing? Because when you spend your life always trying to please everyone else, you give away so much of your own power. There are too many people walking around in this world without power, and way too many of us are women. So I'm taking my power back and giving up the people pleasing.

I'm taking The Daily Dietribe back.

Huh? Say what?

During a little recent Facebook drama, one very astute friend referenced "taking her Facebook back." She simply meant she had finally unfriended mean "friends." I don't have any mean Facebook friends, but I started taking my Facebook back by unsubscribing to all the random chatter I didn't need to be a part of. I love that I can connect to anyone I've ever met on Facebook (and many people I haven't met), but I don't need to know what's going on with my ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend's sister.

Unsubscribe. Unsubscribe. Unsubscribe.

In a similar fashion, I'm unsubscribing to all the chatter of blogging. No more checking my stats. No more analyzing which types of posts get the most hits. (We all know it's the desserts...) No more late night gallon of ice cream sob fests over mean comments. Okay, I don't actually do that, but my heart does start to race a little faster.

And no more reigning myself in. The Daily Dietribe did not start as solely a recipe blog. It was a creative outlet. It was for me. And then I started getting readers...and more readers...and a book deal...and then I started feeling pretty damn important. I started to listen to voices outside of myself, to think about The Daily Dietribe as a brand, to think about advertisers and how to attract more readers. And the more readers I got, the more I tried to please. I write posts in my head all the time, ones that I never type out because it doesn't fit with my gluten-free food theme. I censor myself because the word in my head is damn but I don't want to offend anyone, so I write darn, or I change the sentence. I have the urge to call bullshit on a lot of political nonsense, but I don't say a word because I'm a liberal and I don't want to upset any conservative readers. In short, I was trying so hard to be what everyone wants (or what I thought you wanted) that I stopped being me.

I hold back a lot, and you know what? I'm bored. There, I've said it. The Daily Dietribe is boring me. I love food, and I love cooking more than most people I know. And some days, I want to wax philosophical about the beauty of a perfectly baked brownie. Other days, I want to scream, "It's just food, people! Think about something else for a change!" The Daily Dietribe, for me, has always been about being healthy. And that encompasses so much more than just food. Some days, I want to share a photo or a quote that I like. Some days I want to tell you about how I've been using self-hypnosis to reduce stress, or about how I'm getting certified as a hypnotherapist. It's all part of what makes me healthy. And some days, I want to share cake recipes.

So here's the deal. I've decided to turn The Daily Dietribe back into what it started as. And in the beginning, no one was reading. So I'm going to pretend that's still the case, although of course I hope it's not. I hope you stay, and that you'll be entertained. Perhaps you were getting a bit bored too?

Here's what you'll see from here on out: 1) More posts. It's called The Daily Dietribe, not the Bi-Weekly Dietribe. I can't promise to write daily, but I can promise myself that I'll begin putting more of my heart back into this. 2) More of me. Whatever that happens to mean on any given day. 3) Don't worry, the recipes aren't going away! If anything, you may find you get more recipes once my creative juices are no longer squashed by my own people pleasing tendencies. 4) My real thoughts on anything and everything, be it gay marriage, natural remedies for yeast infections, God, or even grammar.

If you're still reading this, there's a good chance I haven't scared you off. If you're just here for the recipes, simply read on the days I post recipes. And if you're here for more, hopefully you'll find what you're looking for, whatever that may be. And maybe you'll start to ask yourself what there is in your life that you need to take back. Maybe we'll all start taking back our power. Wouldn't that make for a beautiful world?

Until tomorrow, my pretty little chickadees. 


Mama Hayes said...

Amen, sista! ;) Love it! I'm staying tuned -

Amber Shea @Almost Vegan said...

Bring on the grammar rants and godlessness! I'm game. :)

Ellen (Gluten Free Diva) said...

You go girl!!!

Tamikko said...

good for you :) and yeah to more recipes!

CowgirLiz said...

Not sure how long it's been since I stopped by to check out a recipe here. But, saw the link to this from FB and came by for a read.

Very well put on all points. Especially that it's about health - not just GF recipes.

I will stop by to read more - after all, there are only so many GF recipes I can use in a given day. When I'm seeing a dozen or more (my fault for subscribing to so many sites, right?) in one day I'm on overload.

Metta said...

Good for you; I'm excited to see what's next.

gina said...

Yeah, buddy!!!! I've actually been criticized for sharing stuff that's "too personal" on Facebook, but I've come to just say "screw it. That's who I am. I am personal. I am honest. I am raw. So be it." That sounds exactly like what you're going for...and I'm not gonna feels sooooo good!


seymour said...

I hope this stays true in real life as well. Power comes from within, you've got it but need to use it! Kick butt!!

seymour said...

I don't know what to do with the concept of not pleasing people. True if we allow that to out weigh our individual needs it 'could' be harmful. Yet power comes from within, our actions, decisions and beliefs. Really power comes from confidence in one's self. We all have it, just some of us do not know how to harness that power. I am very glad to hear you are finding your reigns. To many more years of your laughter and happiniess Iris!

Marty said...

Yes, tho trying more and more not to be!

Yeah! Love the post - can't wait for more of YOU! Because in the end we're all connected though our stories are the same, we can find something in some one elses that we can relate too, no matter what!


Jennifer Polle said...

Nice. I'm a gluten-free, liberal hypnotherapist, too. I'll stay tuned. :-)

Jim said...

This is where I confess that my mother reads your blog and sent this entry to me. I also have a blog and have gone through this a few times. Backing off not just to appease people but at times it can feel like giving too much of yourself away. That being said, I always tell people "It's YOUR blog. Do whatever you want with it!" and I echo that to you. Be true for yourself.

Anonymous said...

home remedies for yeast infection - yes please! sincerely,
not offended

gfe--gluten free easily said...

I love you, Iris! This is just the post I needed to read today. I've been dragging my feet on writing the post I need to write vs writing a post I thought others would want to read. We need to stay true to ourselves!


glutenfreewpb said...

I love your blog! and appreciate a personal touch! Cant wait to read more of what you have to say! I need to take your advice and unsub too - my fb feed alone is too cluttered with useless info!

Anonymous said...

i dig it. rock on with your bad self.

Cheryl said...

My friend Barb sent me a link to this post thinking I might like it. I love it. So I'm going to subscribe. I'm all for taking back your power and being you on the page and letting go of stats. I did the same thing and found that when I went off on these things nobody commented. And I let that bother me. Life's too short to not be true to yourself.

Lydia at ForkYes said...

I know exactly what you mean, and that's why I stopped blogging creatively a few years ago and solely do blogging about food and lifestyle now. It's not simply that I start censoring for every possible cousin and granny that I know who mentioned once they might read it, it's also that I AM private, and there's only so much I want people who are in my everydayish life to know about what's going on in my head and my life in general. I like keeping it to myself. So I let it get to me, stopped writing as if I were addressing a personal friend, lost the spark, and yeah... poop.

However, the bloggers who let it all hang out, for better or for worse, are the ones I read no matter what they're talking about, because they're INTERESTING, plain funny, or just shameless to a degree (but not gratuitously so). Here's an example:
Also, Penelope Trunk's career blog is always good. Good luck. I'm trying hard to get to that point again on my current blog, though I always feel the need to inform, inform, inform. Ah, well. I'll relax eventually.


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