I had a choice tonight. To blog or not to blog. To cook or not to cook. You see, after struggling from a relapse with my old friend, "the binge monster," I gained a few pounds. Not a lot, but enough to make me feel uncomfortable. I've been doing much better lately by cutting out sugar, which in turn has cut down on my afternoon slump and nighttime cravings, not to mention reducing my headaches. However, I've been a weight-loss consultant long enough to know one annoying little fact: weight does not come off as easily as it goes on. Duh, right? I suppose you don't have to be a weight-loss consultant to know that.
I haven't been bingeing (phew), but I've been so busy with school, I really haven't been paying much attention to my eating at all. And when that happens, I tend to fall back into old habits of eating way too many carbs. My weight has been bothering me; just not enough to do anything about it. But this week, I had a little motivation to kick me into action. I'm going to a wedding this weekend, and I don't like how I look in any of my dresses. My jeans haven't exactly been comfortable either, and my formerly loose blouses haven't seemed so loose. Uh oh. Clothes not fitting? No longer wearing skinny jeans, and fat jeans have suddenly become my only jeans? That means time to stop biting my lips over my weight and start doing something about it.
My plan of action isn't anything special. I'm just going back to what always works for me. Going back to how I should be eating all the time. Eating smaller, portion-controlled meals with lots of veggies, a little protein and carbs, and light snacks in between meals. Simple right? Well, yeah actually. It is pretty simple. What's been stopping me is not having the time to make all those meals (my clients who work, go to school and have children are my heroes!). But this Sunday, I had a surge of energy (somewhere around the time I dropped my Organic Chemistry book and decided I was done studying), and ended up cooking enough meals for the whole week. I made a dairy-free quiche. Tuna burgers. Individual tupperware containers of baked salmon, mashed potatoes, and broccoli. A chickpea, tofu, and shrimp salad. Black bean chili. And I cut up all my veggies so they were ready to go. Enough to last me until the weekend, and with all the work done already, no excuses for eating junk when I get home.
So far, everything's been great. It's been...ahem...well...only two days. But two days of eating well is a lot better than I've done in a while. And the best part is that my clothes are already feeling just a teensy bit better. Now I told you that I had a choice to make tonight. Although I had already cooked all my meals, I was so in love with my tuna burger creation that I wanted to post the recipe. But in order to do that, I had to make them again so I could write down the recipe and take pictures. But that meant stopping at the grocery store on the way home from work, and possibly missing out on my exercise time. It also meant going to the grocery store when I was hungry, which as I'm sure you all know, is never a good idea. And not being able to eat right away when I got home, which could possibly cause a little thing I like to call: snacking while you cook. Never good for weight loss. As I sat at my desk at work, I started to feel a niggling little spider of anxiety creeping up my back. I know this feeling. This is how I feel before a binge. At first I thought, "I've been doing so well! Where is this coming from?" But then I had a moment of clarity. "If you just go home and eat the meal that's ready for you in the fridge, you'll be perfectly happy. You'll have time to exercise, you won't have to worry about making bad choices at the grocery store or bringing any of those bad choices home and eating them while you're cooking." This is when I started to argue with myself, "But what about my blog? What about my readers? I need to have a recipe!" But then my little sister's voice popped into my head, "Really? Really? Take care of yourself first, then the blog. Who cares if you have a recipe if you're bingeing while you make it? Once finals are over, you can cook to your heart's content. But in the meantime, go home. Eat your shrimp salad. Exercise. Brush your teeth and get a good night's sleep. Believe me. Your readers won't mind if you don't post your tuna recipe this week. They're all busy living their own lives"
Hmm...my sister's voice made sense. So I went home, I had shrimp salad for dinner, a pear for dessert, exercised, watched American Idol, and now I'm going to bed. I'm pretty sure I know what would have happened if I had tried to make my tuna burgers tonight. And because I could feel that binge coming, I'm glad I didn't make them. But if you've made it this far in my rambling, know that there's a delicious tuna burger recipe coming soon. And thanks in advance for waiting for it.