Tuesday, July 14, 2009
A Gluten Filled Adventure
Yep, that's cake. Gluten-filled, delicious cake. After going gluten-free for about 2 1/2 months, I bit the bullet and went back to gluten. And I have to continue to do so until August 4th when I see my doctor to get tested for Celiac Disease. It's a strange thing to think that after the last two weeks of eating everything, what I want more than anything is to give up gluten again. But I can't until after the test. I feel like a little kid pouting because I can't have my favorite toy.
I want my gluten-free diet back!
Perhaps a little recap is in order: I've been in San Diego for my older sister's wedding for the past two weeks. The first couple of days I tried to stay gluten-free. My sisters and I made salads and had hummus and veggies and ate lots of fruit.
But there was also a lot of eating out. After a couple of days of stressing everything going into my mouth, I decided that since I was going to have to start eating gluten again before getting tested, I might as well just start now. The main difference I had noticed after going gluten-free was that my depression and mood swings seemed to disappear. So I was afraid to eat gluten for fear it would bring on the permanent PMS during my sister's wedding. But the stress of trying to be gluten-free on vacation overcame my reservations. I figured if I started getting grumpy, I'd know it was the gluten and just stop eating it.
Well, there's something I didn't consider. The last two weeks have been an emotion filled adventure as well as a gluten filled one. I did feel like I had permanent PMS but I didn't know if it was the gluten or simply the circumstances. My older sister was getting married, my younger sister and I were helping her with all the last minute details, I saw my half-sister who I hadn't seen in eleven years, and I met my dad's wife for the first time...there's more, but this is enough for you to get the picture. I was a basketcase and trying to hold it all together because, after all, I wasn't the one getting married.
And then I decided to completely overhaul my diet on top of all that. A diet that made me feel better than I've felt in two years. Probably not the smartest idea.
So now I'm back in NYC. It's not as sunny here, nor is there the soft breeze that keeps the humidity away. I'm feeling a little (ahem...a lot) depressed, and again, I can't say if it's the gluten or simply the fact that my vacation's over, I don't know when I'll see my sisters next, and I have to go back to work tomorrow. Once again there are valid reasons to feel like an emotional wreck.
But I suspect it's the gluten. I went through a period of feeling extremely depressed about two years ago, and it didn't completely go away until I stopped eating gluten. The last 2 1/2 months I started feeling excited and hopeful about my life again. And now I feel...well, just about the way I did when it all started two years ago.
I'm not sure what the test will tell me. It might sound odd, but I'm hoping my doctor will tell me I can't eat gluten because then at least I'll understand what's going on with me. A lifetime without gluten is 100% worth it if it means I get to feel happy again. And if the test comes out negative? I'll be going gluten-free again anyway. My boyfriend's been present for all of this, so he saw the difference when I went gluten-free, and his comment was, "Who cares what the test says? You know what's right for you. I'll write you a doctor's note saying you can't eat gluten! Please don't eat gluten anymore!"
Well, after August 4th, I won't.