So wrong. So very very wrong, and yet an easy trap to fall into.
I've been in a horrible mood all day. Just rotten. Mopey and grumpy, snappy and agitated. I'm Cruella de Vil without the fur coat and cigarette. And what goes along wonderfully with a bad mood? Bingeing.
I've been on such a roll. It's been weeks since my last binge, and I've been feeling healthy and happy with food. But today I knew that urge was there. The binge monster was hiding behind the couch, waiting for my boyfriend to leave so I could binge in secrecy. I wasn't planning on it. In fact, I was hoping to avoid it, and thinking guiltily of this blog and how well I've been doing. But I knew there was a good chance it would happen. I bought gluten free english muffins at Trader Joe's today, and peanut butter and apricot preserves. Not a big deal really, but a recipe for disaster if you know my bingeing history. Bread can easily be a trigger for me, and I had to ban peanut butter from my apartment for a long time. My worst bingeing memory ever is of eating seven peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in a row. So while on the surface I was thinking, I can make some healthy snacks/meals with these, there was also a part of me that was afraid I was setting myself up for later.
So what happened? My secret was blown. Before he left for class, my boyfriend turned to me and asked point blank, "Are you going to binge when I leave?" He's never asked me this before. But I guess he's learned the signs over time, and I admitted it was in my mind. He asked me to please not do it and to read my anti-bingeing list on the fridge first. And something unexpected happened. With the secret out, the binge monster crept away, his tail between his legs. I knew right then and there that I would be okay tonight. Not that I didn't still want to eat everything in sight. But I didn't do it. I'm sitting here with my anti-bingeing list in front of me, but I haven't really needed it. I guess because I was forced to do the hardest thing on the list. #13. Fess up before you binge. It's the hardest thing to do because you know that if you do it, you won't get to binge. But I never realized that admitting that you want to do it might also take away the need to binge.
I hope I can use this knowledge the next time the binge monster's creeping around.
Penne Pasta with Tuna and Pesto
Instead of bingeing, I made myself a lovely and healthy dinner of gluten-free penne pasta with tuna and pesto. It was my first foray into gluten-free pasta, and the difference was negligible. I used Trader Joe's Organic Brown Rice Penne Pasta. I give it a thumbs up.
How does this fall into my eating plan?
- 1/2 cup cooked gluten-free pasta (1 starch)
- 2 oz. canned tuna in water (2 proteins)
- 1 cup sauteed green peppers and carrots (2 vegetables)
- 1/2 cup cherry tomatoes (1/2 vegetable)
- 1 Tbs. pesto (1 fat)